I've been thinking over the last couple days on how to write this post, but recently I have felt convicted to write about my experiences going through "re-entry". This note will probably be honest and raw but I want to be able to explain a little of what it feels like to re-enter ones "home" after an extended amount of time overseas. This is surprisingly my second time to re-enter my home country and I've read and posted articles by others, but this is my personal journey.
When moving overseas I was congratulated and blessed for following God's calling overseas. I was greeted with statements like "Wow, may God bless your work!" and "We'll be praying for you and your ministry!" I was taught to expect the sacrifices that will follow, I knew that life would be different and challenging, but those new challenges were welcomed and expected! I was grateful for the adventure that God was taking me on, and eventually, I was amazed at the heart that I had developed for this foreign country and people.
During my times overseas I may have complained about the challenges that come with living in a foreign country, and I may have counted down the days till my next visit home. But I loved this adventure that God was taking me on. I felt blessed receiving so many encouraging emails from around the world telling me they loved reading about my journey and were praying for me.
I always knew I sacrificed my life of comfort in the states for this uncomfortable challenging life overseas. At times I missed my family and friends so much, but then God brought some of the best friends I have ever had into my life. We shared experiences together that most people wouldn't believe, they missed their own families, they explored new places with me, they loved this crazy foreign world just as I did, they became my family. I also saw God work in some miraculous ways, I saw and felt God using me, and what an amazing fulfilling feeling that is!
But then something happens or time passes, and I'm not sure why or how, but God calls us to move on, and sometimes that means moving back to our "homes", and no matter how prepared you think you are you can't anticipate the heartbreak that will follow leaving this place where you have grown so much. While I was living overseas my walk and relationship with Christ grew immensely. I had to learn to depend on him even when I felt like everything was changing and was different from what I was used to. But now I'm being called back to my "home" the place where my family lives, and where I'm supposed to feel completely comfortable and it's supposed to be easy. So why isn't it easy? Why do I feel heartbroken? Why do I feel out of place?
I'm following God's guidance, but sometimes it feels easier to follow him overseas than it does here in the USA. I am no longer greeted with the same greetings (and that's ok) but am greeted with huge daunting questions like "What's next?" and "How was your time overseas?"...and I'm not sure what to say. "It changed my life?"..."Do you have a couple of hours and a box of tissues?"..."I have no idea what's next, yet."
Surprisingly enough, I also miss those frustrations of living overseas. Those uncomfortable challenges that God put in front of me. I miss the problem solving, and laughing with friends about the silliness of different cultures and our interactions with them. I miss feeling like God is directly using me, I know it's only been a few months, but I also think the anxiety of "will I ever feel like that again?" hits you pretty bad. I also miss the body of Christ. Here in the states we aren't as dependent on the body of Christ, we have our families, technology, AAA, government and so much more to fall back on. Many times overseas it was simply people who I work with and minister with that helped me out, comforted me, mentored me, and lived life with me. We depended on each other for so much. Little did I know that when I moved back to the states that I would be asked to sacrifice so much as well.
My intentions of writing this blog isn't to ask for pity, or even to sympathize for me. I know that God has big plans for me...even if I don't know what they are yet. But my point is to explain a little of the thoughts and feeling that come with moving back home. I don't feel like this is home necessarily... I feel like I left home for another home. I am different and therefore the US is different, I have to find where I fit in again, where I can serve again, who are my friends are, who I can call on a friday night to hang out, and how can even my family relate to me. I'm not giving up hope that I will never again go back overseas, but for now I sacrificed my life overseas to follow Christ, and to me right now, this seems more terrifying.
There will be plenty of tears, laughter, anxiety, and joy...but this is after-all an adventure.
When moving overseas I was congratulated and blessed for following God's calling overseas. I was greeted with statements like "Wow, may God bless your work!" and "We'll be praying for you and your ministry!" I was taught to expect the sacrifices that will follow, I knew that life would be different and challenging, but those new challenges were welcomed and expected! I was grateful for the adventure that God was taking me on, and eventually, I was amazed at the heart that I had developed for this foreign country and people.
During my times overseas I may have complained about the challenges that come with living in a foreign country, and I may have counted down the days till my next visit home. But I loved this adventure that God was taking me on. I felt blessed receiving so many encouraging emails from around the world telling me they loved reading about my journey and were praying for me.
I always knew I sacrificed my life of comfort in the states for this uncomfortable challenging life overseas. At times I missed my family and friends so much, but then God brought some of the best friends I have ever had into my life. We shared experiences together that most people wouldn't believe, they missed their own families, they explored new places with me, they loved this crazy foreign world just as I did, they became my family. I also saw God work in some miraculous ways, I saw and felt God using me, and what an amazing fulfilling feeling that is!
But then something happens or time passes, and I'm not sure why or how, but God calls us to move on, and sometimes that means moving back to our "homes", and no matter how prepared you think you are you can't anticipate the heartbreak that will follow leaving this place where you have grown so much. While I was living overseas my walk and relationship with Christ grew immensely. I had to learn to depend on him even when I felt like everything was changing and was different from what I was used to. But now I'm being called back to my "home" the place where my family lives, and where I'm supposed to feel completely comfortable and it's supposed to be easy. So why isn't it easy? Why do I feel heartbroken? Why do I feel out of place?
I'm following God's guidance, but sometimes it feels easier to follow him overseas than it does here in the USA. I am no longer greeted with the same greetings (and that's ok) but am greeted with huge daunting questions like "What's next?" and "How was your time overseas?"...and I'm not sure what to say. "It changed my life?"..."Do you have a couple of hours and a box of tissues?"..."I have no idea what's next, yet."
Surprisingly enough, I also miss those frustrations of living overseas. Those uncomfortable challenges that God put in front of me. I miss the problem solving, and laughing with friends about the silliness of different cultures and our interactions with them. I miss feeling like God is directly using me, I know it's only been a few months, but I also think the anxiety of "will I ever feel like that again?" hits you pretty bad. I also miss the body of Christ. Here in the states we aren't as dependent on the body of Christ, we have our families, technology, AAA, government and so much more to fall back on. Many times overseas it was simply people who I work with and minister with that helped me out, comforted me, mentored me, and lived life with me. We depended on each other for so much. Little did I know that when I moved back to the states that I would be asked to sacrifice so much as well.
My intentions of writing this blog isn't to ask for pity, or even to sympathize for me. I know that God has big plans for me...even if I don't know what they are yet. But my point is to explain a little of the thoughts and feeling that come with moving back home. I don't feel like this is home necessarily... I feel like I left home for another home. I am different and therefore the US is different, I have to find where I fit in again, where I can serve again, who are my friends are, who I can call on a friday night to hang out, and how can even my family relate to me. I'm not giving up hope that I will never again go back overseas, but for now I sacrificed my life overseas to follow Christ, and to me right now, this seems more terrifying.
There will be plenty of tears, laughter, anxiety, and joy...but this is after-all an adventure.
"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
-Romans 8:28 (The Message)
