Under His wings.

I could really use your prayers today. My life has been crazy these last few days. In my last post I told you about my broken air con, and then yesterday I went to go talk to the maintenance guys and they told me it could be out for up to two months! So in result my mentor told them that just won't do and they needed to make new arrangements for me. Soo after school yesterday they moved my whole class down to an abandoned classroom. It has air con, but I can't help but feeling frustrated and sad at the same time. All the work that I have put into my classroom feels as if if it were useless. I know its kind of dramatic, and I probably wont be there for long. But it's just hard not being in the one place I felt like I had a sense of accomplishment.

Being a first year teacher is tough, in fact I'm sure its starting any new job is tough. You're at the bottom of the chain and you feel like you're always having to prove yourself to someone. The other day someone gave me a simple compliment and I was shocked at how much that meant to me. I am usually a pretty confident person, but there are days when I am so insecure in my work and I'm hoping that someone in my class is learning something!

Thanks guys for your prayers today. I remain under His wings, especially today. He is my rock and comforter to Him I will pray. And when those times come when I feel like giving up and flying home I will pray that the Lord would be there, and to remind me that it is a blessing to be here even if I feel like I am inadequate.

Avoidance...

I think I have been avoiding posting on this blog, because I feel like there is nothing in me worth blogging about. I am definitely experiencing culture shock.... though I should feel pretty good, since its taken two months. However I have felt so frustrated today to the point of almost tears. I keep on reminding myself that God has a purpose for everything and I am here for a reason. He has chosen me to be here.

I hate being a downer debbie, but seriously sometimes life is really hard. There are times in a day when I feel like I have things under control, and then the Philippines throws me a curve ball and I have to try and figure that one out.

For the last week my classroom's air con has been out, and this just makes everything harder. By the end of the day I am exhausted and have absolutely no energy left. I feel like I have given my all to these kids and then at the end of the day I am left tired and sweaty. There is no way I want to prepare for the next day especially when there is no relief from the heat and humidity.

I also went to the bank today to pay my rent, like every month, and they had told me I could pay with US checks (since my landlord will only accept dollars and not pesos). When I got there to pay they told me "sorry mam' you can't use that check here" AGH! I had my parents specially send these checks over here to the Phils because the bank told me I could pay with checks! yikes.

Also the car I have been using has broken down... so I can't go anywhere unless someone else drives me. This is extremely frustrating after being independent for quite some time and then being dependent on those around you can be extremely humbling.

Ok well now I'm just venting, but if you could remember me in your prayers. I am so frustrated, hot, and overwhelmed by the amount of school work I need to do. I know that the Lord is good and He will take care of me, but I feel as if I am a fish out of water...

Procrastination

I was running the other day, and while I was running I couldn't help but think, "Why do I allow myself to go so long without exercising?" Here I am exhausted and while I'm trying to get back into shape, I'm doing it in the tropical climate! Why did I let myself skip those early morning runs back home, that I once loved? Now here I am exhausted and can barely catch a breath through the humidity. I feel like every time I take a deep breathe I'm swallowing a wet rain cloud. I come back to my apartment and its looks as if I had just ran an iron man triathlon... when actually I've probably only run 2 miles... shoot this is going to be harder than I thought.

As I was complaining about the amount of sweat that my body seems to produce, or my lack of air I started to think about my holistic health. Many times in my life I have put off studying the scriptures and spending a quiet time with God. I make excuses like, "oh well I'll get around to it sooner or later. I'm too busy right now." In reality this is just going to make it harder to be disciplined in my spiritual walk, and I get better at making excuses and get farther away from a holistic life.

The only way I know how to conquer this plague of laziness is to push my self day by day. Focus on that day and get myself to run. When I'm done I'm rewarded with the satisfaction that I've worked hard and then when I jump into that pool I'm overwhelmed by the refreshing feeling of the cool water. I can't think of a better feeling then when I hear God speaking to me when I go to Him in my quiet time day by day.

When God speaks.

I went to church on Sunday and as a good person I was reading the bulletin, when I cam across a quote that caught my eye. I don't know who wrote it, but it made me think for more than a minute and so I thought it was worth blogging about :)

"We like to determine the path of our lives because we want to be in control. But sometimes God interrupts our lives and takes us on a journey that we find frustrating, challenging, and uncomfortable. He does this in order to direct us away from our self-centered agenda and liberate us to pursue His will and purposes."

I can't help but think God was speaking to me when I read this quote. There are times when I don't understand why I am here. I wanted to come home after college, live with my best friends, I wanted to start working where I would actually get paid, and where I could be spending time with my friends and family, and creating a life back in Seattle. I love my friends there and being able to spend time with my sisters, so why has God called me here? How did I get called here?

Perhaps I am here not only to teach, but to be taught. It can be too easy to fall into a self-centered mind set. I am a selfish, controlling, fallen daughter of God. There are times when I am short with others around me, and I think, "Meg, what the heck? What is your problem?"

As much as I would have loved to have chosen my own path, I know that God is bringing me on this journey for a reason, and I am learning so much as I follow. Each day I pray that I am learning more and more about what it means to pursue a Holy life where I am focused on one thing, and that one thing is not "Meg".

Made it 30 days...

Fourth grade is such a great year, and I love my kids. I am so blessed with such a great group of kids! They have such tender hearts and are always excited about learning.

I had my class make themselves and with them we were going to make a poster of our class. I showed them how big my model was and then told them to scale it from there.... it was quite humerous to see how tall vs how short some of the kids made themselves.

The giant kid in the red soccer jersey....yea one of the shortest kids in our class. And all the girls made themselves the shortest/smallest and their definitely the tallest in my class.... Puberty hasn't quite hit in fourth grade.

On our 30th day at Faith, the staff held a sort of "celebration" dinner celebrating that we've made it 30 days. And although it may not seem like something huge to celebrate, it was a great reminder that God has brought me so far, and only 9 more months til I get to visit the states again!

This is my new room mate Ruth. She's so cute, and has just jumped right on in into the elementary staff! we love her, and I'm excited to have a room mate other than the
occasional cockroach.

Sharon is always excited when there isn't any dairy in the food... haha

Some really great teachers here at Faith. Ruth is helping out in any way possible, while Leo is teaching 5th grade.

I told them I haven't taken any pictures of myself yet, and that I needed proof that it was actually me behind the camera...

I told them to remind me that I need to be photographed as well as photographing... Never thought I would need to be reminded that...